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If you take up two parking spaces for one car… you are an asshole! (unless you have to get your wheelchair out of your car)
If you fart while passing in front of people in the movie theater… you are an asshole!
If you complain about the government, yet don't vote… you are an asshole!
If you drive 50 mph in the far left lane on the highway and don't notice all the cars backed up behind you… you are an asshole!
If you complain about the price of gas, yet drive a car that gets eight miles per gallon… you are an asshole!
If you watch 28 hours of television a week and then say that you don't read because you don't have time… you are an asshole!
If you commit a crime, get caught and sent to prison, but think it is unfair… you are an asshole!
If you send chain letters of any kind (this includes those stupid e-mails that you are going to make a ton of money or some sick child will benefit because so-and-so company will track your e-mails even though that is impossible)… you are an asshole!
If you are Christian Bale… you are an asshole!
If you put your makeup on while driving… you are an asshole! ((Guilty))
If you blast your horn at the driver in front of you a split second after the light turns green… you are an asshole! ((Totally Unnerving))
If you stay in the movie theater while your baby screeches his head off… you are an asshole!
If you have a lame homepage that takes forever to download because you have cheesy music and way too many graphics… you are an asshole!
If you think welfare is an occupation… you are an asshole!
If you talk shit about people without knowing the whole story… you're an asshole!
If you complain about your weight problem and still eat at McDonalds… you are an asshole!
If you yell at people on t.v. to do something even though you know they can't hear you… you are an asshole!
If you ask stupid questions and then get pissed off when returned with stupid answers…you are an asshole!
If you loudly entertain the whole bus/park/lobby/ beach/neighborhood with your boom box, car stereo or iPod blasting so loud in your ears that we can all still hear it… you are an asshole!
If you call for a pizza, tell the guy to hold, then ask what everybody wants…you are an asshole!
If you write "U" instead of "you," or "sux" instead of "sucks," or "klik" instead of "click" or "kreative" instead of "creative"…you are an asshole! ((Does LOL LAMO LAL BTW BRB etc count? If so, Guilty))
If you ask every Asian person you meet, "Do you know karate?"… you are an asshole!
If you think only women should cook…you are an asshole!
If you hold people up in line at the store to pay for a one dollar pack of gum with a credit card… you are an asshole!
If you ask someone a question but don't listen to the answer…you are an asshole!
When you are the boss and send out an email telling everyone in the office to show up on time and then stroll in 30 minutes late everyday and leave at 10 to five…you are an asshole!
If you make a list of what constitutes an asshole… you are an asshole!
((Guess I'm an asshole on a few of these. Lots more to add to the list. Can you think of some?))
5 back talkers:
Isn't it fantastic when we admit our hypocrisies have no bounds!..?
Everyday I say..
"Don't be an Ass-wipe"!
"Did you have to be an Ass-wipe"?
"You know, you don't have to be...
an Ass-wipe".
and my favorite: "Man, you have a big Ass"!...
...all this to the "Man".
Note to Self: Remembering the whole while, that when you point a finger at someone else, there are three more pointing right back at you.
If you hold people up in line at the store to pay for a one dollar pack of gum with a credit card… you are an asshole!
I'd do that... But it'd be a debit card.
If you think that being a stay at home mom/house wife isn't a job . . .You are an asshole! (and probably one of the male persuassion at that.)
Teri Rees Wang- I completely agree.
Marf- Oh I am so guilty of that. I never carry cash anymore.
Auburn Haired Artist- Uh Yeah. Been there. I was a SAHM for 10 years. Now that I am a WOOTHM I constantly get the question:"How long were out of work" or "You didn't have to work for 10 whole years".
It's the look, no, glare... w/ the answer "Have you ever worked 24/7 in your life? I've had 10 years and now am taking on a few extra hours from somewhere else" Not sure where I'll find them yet."
@ Monique: I carry a little, but I never use it.
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